It’s Not About the Tin Foil
I come from a long line of hoarders. Not the kind you see on reality TV shows. They’re the sentimental kind. You know, the ones who don’t throw anything away.
Cardboard boxes and receipts are collectibles. Boxes of baby clothes from my oldest brother’s infancy (he’s 30 now) are stored in the basement, collecting dust as the memories in those clothes fade away.
I’m all for souvenirs and sentiment. I love a good memory, however, a line has to be drawn somewhere. I draw that line at aluminum foil.
Last night, I was making dinner. Grilled veggies (and burgers for the rest of the family, because all they eat is meat and Little Debbie snacks).
I grabbed the foil from the cupboard and went outside to the grill. There was an inch of foil left. One. Fucking. Inch. I mean, seriously, who can use this? Throw. This. Shit. Away.
Because the littlest things set me off emotionally right now, I made a big deal out of the situation, muttering “Jesus Fucking Christ” fifty times, causing my parents to get upset with me.
Looking back at it today, it’s so dumb. Pathetic, really, but last night it was everything.
That’s the point. It’s not about the tin foil. It’s about mental health. My mental health. The challenge, the struggle, the daily tasks that are now beyond difficult to complete.
It takes every bit of courage and strength to crawl out of bed, make coffee, and put clothes on.
It takes every bit of courage and strength not to grab a bottle instead of coffee. Thank god these people aren’t drinkers. Did I just say that? Who am I? These people need alcohol more than I do.
I barely sleep.
I barely eat.
I am on the verge of tears at every moment of every day.
It all sucks. It’s heavy. And no one fucking acknowledges it. No one fucking talks about it.
It’s not about the tin foil. It’s not about me cursing. It’s not about them. It’s not about me.
It’s about mental health. It’s about trauma. It’s about support and advocacy and education — or rather, the lack of these things.
Life is so much more. Death is so much more. Mental health is so much more. I am so much more.
It’s not about the tin foil.
