We Need You
I’ve been thinking about you a lot again lately. It’s National Suicide Prevention Week. I got a letter from Lucy. She wrote all about mental health, suicide, the grappling thoughts and curiosities she has about this stuff. “Put the Gun Down” by ZZ Ward played in the car on my way home from Crested Butte. You’re here with me in every moment.
Shelby and I had a long, messy weekend of winery hopping and “glamping”. You were only there with me because you were a lingering shadow of last week. It was another rough one.
Between the migraines and the anxiety, I couldn’t make it through the week. I finally hit my breaking point. I can’t continue to live this way. I can’t do this alone. I called the doctor and made an appointment. Something’s gotta give.
I am now officially on medication for my anxiety and depression. I am back on migraine medication too. I guess this beats the bad medicine I’ve been self-medicating with, right? We’ll see.
I don’t love taking medications. I prefer to seek more natural treatment methods. It’s why I like therapy, CBD, and weed.
Since being back at work today, I’ve felt anxious again. We’re not doing enough around suicide prevention and awareness. We talk in circles, pointing the blame at others and passing off responsibilities. It gets us nowhere.
Sadly, we’re all responsible for educating on and preventing suicide. We’re all responsible for showing up for people and building resilient communities. Sadly, suicide and mental health is personal. Even the strongest of communities, the strongest of support networks can’t save everyone. But we can — scratch that, MUST — do better.
It’s snowing today. Yet another reason to feel anxious. Winter is a dark, sad time for me. Severe seasonal depression mixed with trauma, PTSD, and a terribly exhausting election season is the recipe for disaster.
I’m in my feels. I wanna cuddle up on the couch. I wanna pour a drink, but I’m trying to take a break from alcohol now that I’m on new medication.
I want nothing more than to tell your story. My story. Our story. I want nothing more than for others to know there can be a way out. As Lucy said in her letter, sometimes all we need is a neon sign that says “we need you”. Is that ever enough, though? I don’t know. Maybe you can help shed some light on this for me.